So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it because I queefed?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
