i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
