Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
