Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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