did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
