your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
