HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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