With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
