Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
