I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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