just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize