My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize