3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
