you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
