sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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