Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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