I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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