We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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