My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
