bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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