I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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