after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
