I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
