After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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