I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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