Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
