I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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