why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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