I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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