The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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