I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my poor anus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
