can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
