I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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