My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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