At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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