Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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