She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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