i don't plan on having that self control this summer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
