I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
