Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
