there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
