If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize