the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
