Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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