dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize