Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
