I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
