i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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