I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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