Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
