So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
