I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
