If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
