we have officially lost it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You've changed since you got that strap on