i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️