Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Farmville is her only friend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.