dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy