If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.