I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.