I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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