It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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