When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
