Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
