end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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