Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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