i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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