So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
