Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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