So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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